Online Dating

I have recently joined online dating. Its depressing.

The main thing I find utterly bewildering are men's profile photo's. They're extraordinary. Absolutely amazing choices made by ALL OF THEM. Not just the creepy bastards, but all of them. I think girls spend a lot of time selecting their best pictures. They have to be the right angle, the right light, the right outfit etc. But not men. No.

The men have a main photo that one if not all of the following include:

1. They are wearing sunglasses
2. They are far way, in sunglasses
3. They are in total shadow and appear as just a sihlouette
4. The are very serious
5. They are posing by a window, looking out into a mysterious land.
6. They are doing a self portrait in the bathroom mirror. (I am more interested in the background decor and beauty products in these ones)
7. They look like they just shit themselves.

Once you get passed the main photo, you then get about 20 photo's of their vacations from the last 10 years (because they love camping, the outdoors and travel etc).
Once you get passed the holiday snaps, if they have a pet you can be rest assured that old 'Ace' the 'hilarious, loving and friendly' golden retriever is in a few!

Then you read the profile. It tells me what they are looking for in a woman. She must be beautiful within, as well as a real head turner on the outside. She must be just as comfortable in her jeans as she is in high heels and a little black dress (in whatever scenario they are imagining themselves taking her to where she walks in the room and heads turn).
My worry is that this beauty must be maintained during the camping, travelling and other outdoor persuits too, but thats just me, who tends to look like an electrocuted spaniel after one nights camping.

When she is not reading, working out at the gym keeping fit (because keeping fit is very important),   saving the world or brushing her long golden hair,  she must have a sense of humor.

So, I was having a rant about this to my friends Camille and Brian today, and Brian pointed out that men would be far better off putting up photos of themselves doing things that would be more appealing to women.

I think he is onto something with this! He also mentioned riding dinosaurs, which I'd appreciate, but not sure the majority of women would consider this a benefit in Mr Right.

Fight!

Today is a lovely summery day and I find myself walking in the park at the end of my street, people watching and taking it all in.
Then, all of a sudden, I am caught up in the middle of a fight!

Two fat 4 year olds armed with plastic baseball bats suddenly take a dislike to each other. One shouts "you're a poo-bum" to the other, causing the other one to yell back "NO, you're a poo poo". baseball bats are swung, and my leg gets the brunt of Poo-Bums anger!

It was all I could do not to call both of them f'ing poo-bums.

I take a deep breath and continue back towards the street and the crossing, where it seems a very popular place for dogs to hang out of car windows!

If only I could do this and drive at the same time ;)

Spiders

Spider's really are creepy little bastards.

They sneak about with their 8 legs, hiding and watching. I think they might be perverts. Today I had one hidden on my bath towel trying to see me naked.

I hate them.

I have to think happy thoughts if I see one, or even think about one.

I cant post a photo of a spider, but I have added some pictures of my happy thoughts...


Blake from The Good Wife

A fluffy bunny...

 

 

Cary from The Good Wife...

 



Another fluffy bunny...

Puck you Spiders!!

Being chased

Every time I watch an episode of The Walking Dead, I have bad dreams.

Last night I was being chased. But not in a nice way like this lady here is experiencing...

More sinister chasing...

Yes. Its not nice.

Best Neighbors?

I was chatting to my friend Brian the other day about the TV series 'Justified' which I am slightly obsessed with. It ended up with us agreeing that both his wife Jen and myself would love U.S Marshall Raylan Givens to live next door.

Good god, how amazing would this be I ask? VERY. is the answer.

Raylan, not only looks good with his shirt off, but he is good at shooting baddies. I quite like that.

Having said that, I am also a big fan of the shows main baddie, Boyd Crowder. He is really naughty but I quite like this too.

So, I am thinking I'd like Raylan to be one of my neighbors, and Boyd to be the other. Not much to ask, but having them around gathering their post, washing their cars, popping in to borrow sugar or fixing my plumbing - it would really cheer the place up. I can see it now. The three of us drinking  beer, with me wearing Raylans hat, oh how we laugh about it all.

Yes, Good times.

Raylan.....

Boyd.....

I'd best go sort out my laundry.

I can see you

I had new lenses put into my glasses this week. Its been a revelation. I can see.

I realised that its been about 2 years since my last eye test, and its no wonder my eyes are so tired.....the eye doctor explained that I had totally the wrong prescription, and one of the lenses was even tinted green!!! Bloody pikey optometrist back in Bristol had totally f'd me over!

So I can now see, and its pretty cool.

 I thought I might try and get some new frames. Nothing hipster, but something a little bit fun maybe without going 'crazy cat lady', or too 'Sue Pollard' (I once saw her in a hotel bathroom, and she pee'd in the cubicle next to mine while her poor assistant waited outside listening to her pee trickle and her constant chattering about how she 'wasnt going to put up with it' - whatever 'it' was).

Anyway, I went into an opticians in my home town of Burlingame and asked for some help picking out some frames. The helpful lady picked me quite a few, and they were all nice, until I saw that the prices ranged from $550 to over $1000. I dont think so.

Its off to Costco for me I think!  Lets see what look I come out with!!

Now these pictures aren't blurred, they're even funnier ;)

Lol, like, totally.

I hate the over use of 'Lol'.

In fact I hate its use at all. There is absolutely no need for it. Some poor souls even use it by accident meaning 'Lots of Love'. They maybe use it when consoling someone who's had bad news, and that person thinks they are 'Laughing Out Loud'.
Bad Times.

One of the main reasons I hate it is because its lazy. The person using it is lazy. They are not even laughing out loud. In fact its probably quite the opposite. Its reached the point where I actually find it rude. The person might as well say "I have nothing to say because I've paid no attention to what you've just said, so I am going to fill my reply with anything to make me seem interested"

Although, is the over use of the word 'Like' even worse? I cant decide.

Its a tough one because they are both unnecessary, annoying and make me want to SCREAM.

One thing I do know is that I do not use 'Lol' ever. But, the word 'Like' is creeping into my sentences having lived in California for 8 months. I hear people at work use it, and my friends too, and even out walking in downtown today I heard it A LOT.
I am making a conscious effort to not do it. I even stop my sentences mid way to correct myself. Its hard but I am going to irradiate it from my vocabulary.

To get over my anger at this, I googled some things ...they made me laugh......

Have a nice weekend everyone!
Peps.